10 Types of 28-Year-Old Single Guys

Orignally posted from: http://virginbanker.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/10-types-of-28-year-old-single-guys-in-singapore/

Posted by mrjoat in Life Stuff ≈ Leave a Comment
Tags28 year old, desolate figure, desperate, lonely, rich, sad case, single men, virgin, virgins, young men
10 Types of 28-Year-Old Single Guys

28year old guys are a curious bunch.
Find me a group of 28 year old men and you’ll usually see one in a football jersey, one always in berms and havianas slippers, one who married early at the age of 25, a few who are doing really well into their careers, and a couple of soul-searchers looking for THE job that will supposedly change their lives. Some of these guys will tell you they have a plan in life and know what to do, but the others probably feel quite helpless deep down, for the first time in their lives.
But perhaps the most disparate part of this group is the growing population of 28 year old single guys. I’ve met many many different types of them. So lets examine them here:
1) The Total Package

The Total Package is smart—he went to a top JC like RJC and then to SMU or some Non-Aussie overseas university. The Total Package is an athlete, a musician, and an avid traveler, always jet setting to Phuket or Bali with his pals on long weekends. The Total Package is handsome, most of the time comes from a wealthy family and probably drives a BMW. Also he is probably a banker, lawyer, or doctor. Or works in his dad’s company.

The Total Package has a fantastic career going on, but lo-and-behold, as much as he is a workaholic – The Total Package is a family man!

There’s just one thing The Total Package seems to be having a hard time finding—a girl worthy of his greatness.

This princess of princesses that he’s looking for is the final piece of the jigsaw. He dreams of her often, and sees resemblances of her many a times in these movies, which usually star Rachel McAdams. She’s the sort of girl who will turn heads as she enters the room, oozing of charm and beauty. She might be someone working in HR of a media company, or just someone yet to finish her studies in NUS Business school. She has tons of friends, and has an amazing loving family. Even better though, beneath the suave decent chiseled looks of The Total Package, he uncharacteristically fantasizes about her being AMAZING in bed, on top of being the perfect cook, loving girlfriend, and being his occasional aunt agony. Somehow in a small place like Singapore, she’s also able to ride horses, does ballet, sings in church, and hangs out on Sundays at these modern yet rustic cafes like 42 hands or Penny University.

Thus, The Total Package is still single. He continues to be caught up in this fierce battle between his superhuman standards, and his fear of living another 10 years single. Because, in 10 years time, he’s not going to be eligible to qualify as a Total Package in this definition anymore.

2) The New Lease Of Life Guy


As long as anyone can remember, The New Lease Of Life Guy had been dating his girlfriend of 7 years since Secondary School or Junior College, or even since NS. He never seemed quite happy in that relationship, but everyone assumed he and the girl would get married eventually. However, after a long and difficult break up, The New Lease Of Life (after a year of depression where even his best friends could not get him out of) is suddenly living life with a BANG. He’s suddenly out every wednesday night, friday night and saturday night. You see him everywhere, Mink, Zouk, Butter factory. He suddenly the guy that every guy wants to be. And the pictures of him partying on Facebook, are stuff made of dreams. A man’s dreams.

3) The Guy Who Has To Get Together With A Girl Of The Same Race And Religion Or His Parents Will Throw Him Out Of The House


Given how we are fortunate to grow up in a place like Singapore where we are racially diverse, The Guy who has to get together with someone of the same race and religion or else his parents will throw him out of the house, somehow finds himself only liking girls from different races. Don’t ask me how or why his preferences became like that, but it could most likely be due to the pornography he watched whilst in secondary school, which obviously made an impact on his palates (taste). He tried to change his parents mindset, but after the last girlfriend spending a 1 hour dinner with his parents … all quiet, things are the way they are.

Stalemate.

4) The Arrogant Guy Who Goes To The Gym


The Arrogant Guy Who Goes To The Gym has many girlfriends. It doesn’t matter if he lives in a landed property or not. It doesn’t matter if he has an amazing job right now. He’s full of confidence, he knows he’s going to do well in life, eventually. As a result, he also goes to the gym to maintain those hard abs, because the girls that he meets at clubs love it too. And his body is the main reason he gets booty calls at night. From tons of girls (yes it does happen in singapore).

The Arrogant Guy Who Goes To The Gym can count the number of girl’s he’s slept with, 187 to date. He already has a girlfriend, but its not counted because she’s obviously going to find out eventually from 187 girls out there (and counting) one day. His life is pretty messed up because after sleeping around so much, he can only settle with the girl that has the nicest B’s, sexiest leg, greatest moan etc. And you know what they say about women … they don’t quite age like men! With each girl, he somehow imagines how they will look like in 10 years, and it sends shivers down his spine.

Unfortunately, The Arrogant Guy Who Goes To The Gym will most likely remain “single” for the rest of his life. He will have plenty of sex for sure, but deep down, it’s going to be playing solo mission in Diablo for a long time. Fortunately, the influx of Thai Discos with Korean/Thai/Taiwanese escorts might save him from a lifelong solitude. He might settle down with one of them in future.

5) The Guy Who Peaked Too Early


Back in the days, The Guy Who Peaked Too Early had everything any guy could dream of. This dude was the Rugby God of ACS(I) kids. He could sprint, he could jump, he could swim, and was probably even a National Sailing champion. Hell. he could even join gymnastics and be the male belle of the school. Life was so sweet for him back then, he got a smart and pretty girlfriend who won a couple of Miss (whatever) contests in University. However, life did peak too early for him …

His girlfriend broke up with him when he graduated. He found that getting a top job was not as easy as winning his 322 trophies from ACS/ACJC. Suddenly, he also notices that girls don’t quite dig him like they used to before. Life is just getting started for him, and he finds that he needs to pretty much start from scratch for everything, starting with being known as “the nice guy” instead of “the cool guy” that he once was before.

In a sad way as well, The Guy Who Peaked Too Early probably has very good friends who have been trying to give him advise. However, his early success in life means he remains stubborn, and still believes that its his way or the highway.

6) The Normal Guy Who Just Hasn’t Met The Right Girl Yet And He Really Wishes People Would Stop Looking At Him With Those Pitying Eyes


Yes, The NGWJHMTRGYAHRWPWSLAHWTPE. The NGWJHMTRGYAHRWPWSLAHWTPE is enjoying his life. He likes his job, he likes his friends, and he likes being single just fine. He’s in no rush to be in a relationship and feels absolutely confident that at some point, he’ll meet the right girl, apply for HDB together and get married.

He’s also not quite sure why everyone who knows him is trying to figure out “what the problem is.” His parents are always worried and going to the temple to pray consistently, and never wasting any opportunity to ask him if he’s been dating anyone. His friends want to help, setting him up on dates every chance they get. He appreciates all the unsolicited support, but he also thinks it would be pretty great if everyone stopped thinking there was something wrong with him.

I like this kinda guy.

7) The Aggressively Online Dating Guy Who Can’t Believe He’s Not Married Yet


The opposite of the previous guy, The Aggressively Online Dating Guy Who Can’t Believe He’s Not Married Yet can’t believe he’s not married yet, or yet, can’t believe that girls don’t yet realize what an amazing catch he is. He dresses a bit old school, baggy jeans and oversized shirts, and sports a not so clean haircut. Always in slippers, and they are not even Havianas!

He really think’s he’s the BOMB though. He think’s he’s good in everything he does, including work, trivia questions, general knowledge, sports and girls. He’s always imagining himself to be the eventual prince charming. That when these hot chicks go through a shit relationship, they will suddenly look at him and see him suddenly as … “The Guy That I Have Been Waiting For”.

He has 2 phones to look important, like many of those in Raffles Place wearing suits and carrying an iPhone and a blackberry for work. He has multiple dating profiles online, and uses these new modern day apps like”PAKTOR” and numerous dating apps to meet girls. When people ask him if he’s dating anyone, he tells them he’s too busy making big bucks at work for a relationship right now.

Seemingly unknown to him, he chases after every other girl he meets. Is known for this, but remains oblivious.

This kinda guy can transform to the “I Would Do Anything For You” guy if he does get attached. I would write more about in this post but then those guys tend to get lucky with girls eventually.

8) The In-The-Closet Guy


The In-The-Closet Guy is so close to being the perfect catch—he’s handsome, he’s well-dressed, and he has a great job. He’s funny, articulate, and charming. The only tiny little inconvenience is that he’s not attracted to females whatsoever.

His “antithesis” / opposite is The NGWJHMTRGYAHRWPWSLAHWTPE, who’s had just enough of the theories about him being gay, since he’s completely straight and, for the hundredth time, just hasn’t met the right girl yet and is really very okay with being single right now (see above for refresher in case you have a fish memory)

9) The (Foreign Talent) Single Guy


To prevent being charged under one of the 100000 laws in Singapore for inciting civil unrest, I have replaced a certain ethnicity for “Foreign Talent”. The Foreign Talent is the guy who might/might not have come from a country where its pretty much like the “MATRIX”. The One.

Back home, The (Foreign Talent) Single Guy would meet tons of girls and get married in an instant. Over here? He is still getting accustomed to being flamed online for things he didn’t do, and getting these weird “eye staring” accusations for being smelly and really pungent with sweat, when it was clearly the Bangla worker sitting next to him on the MRT!

 10) The Prim And Proper Church Going Guy (aka “Boring”)

Deep down, The Prim and Proper Church Going Guy is indeed a nice guy. And sad to say, these guys created to the cliche, “Nice Guys Finish Last”. The Prim and Proper Church Going Guy is the guy a girl could marry, and not worry about being cheated on. She can leave her elderly parents in the care of this guy whilst she goes with her friends for their weekly manicure.

The Prim and Proper Church Going Guy is socially awkward for whatever reasons. He just wants to fit in, but never could. And thats why he loves church, because he doesn’t need to actively try to fit in, but rather join a cell group where everyone just fits in (I am in a cell group btw, and I’m totally NOT MOCKING these guys). He plays Dota. Poker. Bridge. Fun stuff.

Most often, The Prim and Proper Church Going Guy stays single till 40, where he has done remarkably well in life. He is now CFO of some company, earns a minimum of SGD25k a month, and has accumulated an insane pool of savings given that he didn’t’ have to spend it on a materialistic girlfriend, kids stuff or on alcohol the last 10 years. Suddenly, girls are planning their daily routine just to bump into The Prim And Proper Church Going Guy.

He finally gets married to a 28 year old gold digger.

 VB

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